What if....?

I am a horrible worrier. I lay awake at night sometimes worrying about the most ridiculous things. Becoming a mom has only made it worse. Lately, it's been things about B: What if he gets a horrible disesase? What if I dropped him?  What if he never sleeps through the night? What if people think he's a pain in the rear? It goes on and on... The logical side of me sees that I am being crazy. The other side of me thinks this is normal and maybe it's just part of being a mom! (I only worry because I love him so much, so I think maybe that means I am becoming a good mom... or at least I'm trying!)

So I've decided, I've had enough of this stupid "What if" game. From now on, for every negative "What if" I ask myself, I am going to force myself to come up with a positive "what if" to counter it. What if he gets a horrible disease? ---- What if he's perfectly healthy and strong and all this worry is for nothing?

I'm also "What-if"ing my baking.... "What if people don't like it?" "What if they think I'm not good enough?" "What if I put my heart into this and it fails?"  So I counter it again... "What if people LOVE my baked goods!?" "What if they keep buying them and it turns out to be a great success?!" "What if someday I can open the bakery that I've always wanted to?!" "What if someday Oprah hears about me and she tells the whole world about my bake shop??" HAHA! Dream big, right??

I think these two things that I worry about have a common denominator: They are the things I love the most.

I love B with all of my heart. Even when he's screaming. Even when he's been up in the middle of the night 6 times. Even when he throws up all over me (and if you know me, you know how I feel about vomit.)

I love baking with all of my heart, too. Even when my bread falls in the middle. Even when I fill the muffin pans too full and they overflow and burn on the bottom of my oven. Even when I forget to add the flour to my cookies and end up with soup on the cookie sheet (yes, I did that once... it was a long time ago!)

So the worrying is just because I am so passionate and in love. In love with B. In love with baking. I make mistakes. I'm human. But I sure as hell amy trying my best. I certainly hope I don't fail at either one.



I don't know what the problem is but I can't upload pictures on the blog right now. Check out my facebook page for pictures of my Red Velvet Gobs, Chocolate Cupcakes with Fluffy Vanilla Buttercream frosting, Lemon Blueberry Muffins, and Apple Cinnamon Muffins....